yesterday, for whatever reason, was the lousiest.
it was just the dumbest day. it was too windy for us to be able to go anywhere (like, street debris flying in your eyes kind of windy), none of huck's toys were interesting enough to keep his attention very long, and i couldn't seem to get any emails answered because huck kept needing to grab my hand and say "come, mama!" and then forget what it was he wanted from me. (the "come, mama!" routine is pretty darn adorable . . . for the first five hours. sometimes i think two-year-olds are pretty illogical creatures.) cleaning the kitchen didn't even make me feel productive!
at one point i had to hide in huck's teepee in the living room for a few minutes so i could stare at the canvas and try to clear my head, just so i wouldn't start acting like a two-year-old myself. ;)
"mama loves you but she doesn't want to talk to you," is what i actually said at one point. ;)
it's these kinds of days where i realize i am mostly frustrated with myself, and the fact that i'm not perfect. it's not huck, it's not the weather. it's just me. and whether or not it's rational, i always feel so let down by myself when i'm not my mary poppins best, making magic out of the ordinary and charming the pants off my two-year-old like i think i should be able to. two is a hard age for being cooped up indoors, is all there is to it. we need the sunshine already! i mean, a $750 toddler tumbling class for three months would sure be nice but it just ain't in the budget, you know?
but it's these kinds of days when i also realize how incredibly lucky i am. this frustrating little boy of mine is so beautiful. he says "come, mama!" and he means me! i am so grateful for him and for every last whiny moment with him. and i am especially grateful for that husband of mine. he came home after a long, frustrating day at work and took over for me. he sent me off to bed with a heating pad and some advil (oh yeah, there was some of that going on, too ;), and i got to paint my nails and watch episodes of vampire diaries while he put huck to bed and cleaned up the toys. brandon's schedule is grueling and he is such a wonderful partner and he deserves an unlimited supply of ranch-flavored sunflower seeds in return. ;)
every day i get the chance to renew myself to this cause, this crazy mom job, and every day i'm so grateful for the chance i have to do it. and someday, eventually, i'll get it right.
(seriously though, vampire diaries . . . )