yesterday, for whatever reason, was the lousiest.
it was just the dumbest day. it was too windy for us to be able to go anywhere (like, street debris flying in your eyes kind of windy), none of huck's toys were interesting enough to keep his attention very long, and i couldn't seem to get any emails answered because huck kept needing to grab my hand and say "come, mama!" and then forget what it was he wanted from me. (the "come, mama!" routine is pretty darn adorable . . . for the first five hours. sometimes i think two-year-olds are pretty illogical creatures.) cleaning the kitchen didn't even make me feel productive!
at one point i had to hide in huck's teepee in the living room for a few minutes so i could stare at the canvas and try to clear my head, just so i wouldn't start acting like a two-year-old myself. ;)
"mama loves you but she doesn't want to talk to you," is what i actually said at one point. ;)
it's these kinds of days where i realize i am mostly frustrated with myself, and the fact that i'm not perfect. it's not huck, it's not the weather. it's just me. and whether or not it's rational, i always feel so let down by myself when i'm not my mary poppins best, making magic out of the ordinary and charming the pants off my two-year-old like i think i should be able to. two is a hard age for being cooped up indoors, is all there is to it. we need the sunshine already! i mean, a $750 toddler tumbling class for three months would sure be nice but it just ain't in the budget, you know?
but it's these kinds of days when i also realize how incredibly lucky i am. this frustrating little boy of mine is so beautiful. he says "come, mama!" and he means me! i am so grateful for him and for every last whiny moment with him. and i am especially grateful for that husband of mine. he came home after a long, frustrating day at work and took over for me. he sent me off to bed with a heating pad and some advil (oh yeah, there was some of that going on, too ;), and i got to paint my nails and watch episodes of vampire diaries while he put huck to bed and cleaned up the toys. brandon's schedule is grueling and he is such a wonderful partner and he deserves an unlimited supply of ranch-flavored sunflower seeds in return. ;)
every day i get the chance to renew myself to this cause, this crazy mom job, and every day i'm so grateful for the chance i have to do it. and someday, eventually, i'll get it right.
(seriously though, vampire diaries . . . )
The Vampire Diaries and Hart of Dixie are my two favorite shows to watch when my husband is watching our non-stop toddler.
ReplyDeleteSometimes.....there's just nothing that comforts like 'Vampire Diaries'. I think there's something in the air. The past couple of days have been sucky-loo over here as well, way over on the other side of the country.
ReplyDeleteAwww this is awesome, mostly because of its honesty. Sure you had a bad day, but you managed to place a sunny spin on it by finding the good in it and realizing that sometimes you're just gonna have one of those days. I'm glad you were blessed with souls like your son and your husband. Thanks for this post :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a darling post. Here's to hoping spring is right around the corner.. it is much needed. xo
ReplyDeletei cant wait for the new episode. daemon is dreamy
ReplyDeleteI love your attitude. Keep being grateful! Because the worst thing in life is to take any of it for granted. Annnnd now I think I'll probably have to jump on the Vampire Diaries bandwagon eventually, too...
ReplyDeletexo
Husbands are really truely the best, sometimes! They always know when we need a breather ;)
ReplyDeletexx Ashleigh
www.ashflynn.blogspot.com
We aren't even to the two year old phase and I feel you! I love that you can recognize the perfectness in the imperfect moments (the wonder that is your son, the awesomeness that is your husband). It's a great perspective to have!
ReplyDeleteChelsea
Haute Child in the City
always so well written. I don't even have a two year old, and everything you described about your yesterday, well, I've been there too. a frustration with the fact that I'm not perfect? practically my default position ;) Working on it though, and it sounds like you are too! Each day is a new one, and with each day comes new mercies. Mercy for ourselves and mercy from those who love us. Even though days like yesterday happen from time to time, take comfort in the fact that day by day you are indeed refining, learning, growing and improving. you're doing great nat!
ReplyDeletetotally get it. sometimes i wish i could sit right next to my kids and enjoy them but pay someone else to play princess for the millionth time.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWow, I can totally relate with this. Sometimes it is really hard to entertain a toddler, especially during the winter time. I love spending time with my son but trying to entertain him can be exhausting and I feel guilty sometimes for feeling that way. But we are only human and sometimes we are not going to feel 100% energized to entertain our little ones. We just got to tell ourselves it is okay sometimes, as long as we give them love that is all that matters. You are a great mom! And Kudos to your hubby!
DeleteSorry you had a crummy day! I hate days like that. I have been stuck indoors a lot lately too and it can definitely make you feel unproductive and bummed out. especially when you are used to being out and about!
ReplyDeleteand don't feel guilty for not being mary poppins- Huck is always out on great adventures with you! How many kids get that kind of experience of growing up in the city and having access to the best cookies and pizza in the world?
You rock mama.
I had the same day yesterday Natalie! It was the worst and I even sat myself down around 5pm and I was like - WHAT are you on about today? I did some high kicks, forced Henry to cuddle with me, and still I was miserable. Some days are just the pits.
ReplyDeleteSounds like my day yesterday. Thank goodness we get a new day, every day.
ReplyDeleteIt's important to offer ourselves grace for those frustrating moments. No one is perfect and we can never live up to ideal expectations of us. I love how you focused on the positive in the end there...so blessed.
ReplyDeletegreat perspective. we've all had days like this, but it's always reassuring to see wisdom come out of it.
ReplyDelete<3becky
www.loosefromthezoo.com
Vampire Diaries is one of the few shows I haven't seen an episode of. Is it worth giving it a go?
ReplyDeleteOh and your kid is freaking adorable!
nicolakirsty.blogspot.co.uk
You are one blessed woman. It's so important to keep this perspective, to enjoy even the cooped up days and appreciate the fact that you are home with that special little boy, that he is yours. Such a wonderful thing.
ReplyDeleteWe had a day like that yesterday too, glad i'm not the only one, thanks for your honesty! The world seems so much more conquerable knowing we aren't alone...thank goodness for amazing husbands!
ReplyDeleteThe grumps have hit us hard too! Vampire Diaries is the only thing that helps sometimes! #teamdamon
ReplyDeletewhat a beautiful post.
ReplyDeleteWe need to spring to show up, pronto! Not that Spring can`t be windy too, but come on, we need some consistently nice weather so we can go outside & play. It seems like since March arrived, everyone is getting antsy. I know I am!
ReplyDeleteSome Snapshots Blog
Jess
You're doing the best you can, Mama! I'm a freelance photographer and I have literally held a pacifier in my baby's mouth and whacked the dog so she'd stop barking when I'm on a work call... such mindful parenting. And that poor dude has spent so much time in his doorway jumper while I email frantically, yikes!
ReplyDeleteMy toddler frustrates me more than any human being on the planet anywhere ever. I love him, he's beautiful and hilarious and smart, but uggghhhhhhh! The whining and the hitting/pinching/throwing/pulling on me/trying to stand directly under my feet when I'm cooking dinner...enough already. I love you but go away! I also have a five year old and a 3 month old but I think all on his own my 18 month old would frustrate me the same amount. And I have told my five year old multiple times "I love you, I'm interested in everything you have to say, but my brain is tired so can you please not talk to me for a little while?" I feel bad, but it's better than snapping. And my man has a really physically demanding job so I feel like a failure when I send him desperate text messages to come save me from his son, but my job is mentally exhausting. Solo trips to Target are my Vampire Diaries. I'm glad I'm not the only one dropping the ball sometimes. I've been feeling really crappy about the amount of TV my kids have watched this winter while I'm holed up with their baby sister/it's been too awful to go anywhere. I have a million activities and projects pinned for days like that but sometimes? Ugh!
ReplyDeleteI'm a recent follower of your blog, and I enjoy it so much. Your honesty is refreshing. And, I'll have you know that when I type "n" into my toolbar, it normally automatically pops with netflix because I'm always watching some show, but now, your blog comes up. I mean, if that doesn't thrill you.... i have a 2.5 year old and a 9 month old. I feel you on most of what you say. and i'm obsessed with your rug. like i showed my husband and told him "this is what i waaaaannntt!" hope your day is better today. huck is a dream boat. i want him to woo my daughter.
ReplyDeleteThis post spoke to my soul. You nailed every feeling I felt yesterday as well...except for the mother part since I'm not one of those yet. But yesterday, it really was the stupidest. It's nice to know you're not alone on those stupid sorts of days. "I love her" (is what I always tell me husband when I read your blog). You inspire me, and you make my heart happy.
ReplyDeleteI love that you watch the vampire diaries. I am just a teensy bit obsessed with it, and it's been killing me lately! Also, I think it must be something in the air that's making us feel less than our best, because I had a day exactly like this two days ago. At times like these we just gotta breathe and put things in perspective. Sounds like you've got that down even better than I do.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing that- I am in the same place, and have been beating myself up about it, but it was lovely how you captured both the desperation and the joy- strange how they can co-exist, but there you have it.
ReplyDeleteI feel you on the cabin fever! Today we went for a walk in the windy snow because I just needed to be out! SAHM is a tough gig but so so very worth it!
ReplyDeleteCharlotte
123-chachacha.blogspot.com
I so love you. This made me realize that we ALL have these days, as alone as we feel with them.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I appreciate you.
This is adorable, your son is so cute, if I'm ever a mother I'd like to be a bit like youxx
ReplyDeleteCan I just tell you that I love how you are so real on your blog of yours! I read some others and sometimes I feel like I am a horrible person after reading how perfect their life and kiddos are. Thank you for being so raw, it is appreciated!
ReplyDeleteAlthough I don't have kids (yet) I have days like this, and I think it happens more in the Winter because there are more grey days. I don't know though. And my cure is also to usually clean my kitchen. But you seem like a good mom, Natalie who happened to have a silly day.
ReplyDeleteWe all feel the grumps every once in awhile... Be kind to yourself; you're a wonderful mama!
ReplyDeleteThis winter has been rough. Moms of cranky toddlers with cabin fever Unite!! Ha! I have a 2 yr old and a 6 month old. We've watched way more Mickey Mouse Clubhouse than I would prefer but the weather has just been much too gross and after playing train and jumping off furniture for a bit, he gets bored. So yeah... Here's to Spring being sprung SOON! ;)
ReplyDeleteOh and if you ever want to read some relatable adventures in parenting toddlers, head my way. Www.definingmyhappy.com :)
ReplyDeleteI never comment on blogs belonging to people I don't really know, but I have to say how much I appreciate your honesty. Thank you for being so real and relatable on your blog. It is so refreshing to read, even when things aren't Mary Poppins-esque. You are such a gifted writer, and have made me laugh, cry, and snort out loud (really!). You are one darling mom, and get me so excited for life with my little boy when he's Huck's age.
ReplyDeleteI always say "being perfect is totally overrated". Us moms are always so hard on ourselves the second that we are not productive or entertaining or busy. But it's ok to not be the perfect Mary Poppins. Our kids will realize soon enough we are only human. So give yourself a break. It will teach them that they can live imperfectly too, while still seeming perfect to us and being loved unconditionally.
ReplyDeletewww.thismomsgonnasnap.com
ok, yesterday must've been the national grump day or something because that was totally us too. It was raining and grey and gross. A migraine snuck up outta nowhere. Blegh. A handful of chocolate chips and a big dose of grace saved the day! xoxo
ReplyDeletehi nathalie! I was looking for your nyc guide and I cannot find it. could you point me in the right direction if you still have it and I'm just too stupid to find it... :)
ReplyDelete$750 for toddler tumbling?! I hope they are tumbling in mounds of gold. Being a toddler mom is the hardest and the best.
ReplyDeleteWe all have days like that. Just got to remember to keep your chin up! But seems like you do a good job of that.
ReplyDeleteYour yesterday was my today. Except switch out a two year old for a Great Dane/Lab who's going stir crazy with the rainy weather. I feel like the home stretch of winter is the worst. The skies turn grey, work piles up, people get stir crazy. Sigh. I'm ready for warmer weather.
ReplyDeleteyeah, we are done with winter and being cooped up inside around here as well. i thought that $600 for 6 months was rough for toddler tumbling, but i guess everything is a bit more expensive in NYC when compared to philly. toddlers are a whole lot of fun, but a whole lot of work! thank goodness for husbands, and heating pads, and vampire diaries!
ReplyDeleteoh I just love "the chance to renew myself to this cause, this crazy mom job!" you are so so right, day after day. thanks for the reminder that we can have crummy days too, with just the let's try again tomorrow sort! xx
ReplyDeleteI have 3, and at nearly 8 my oldest is nearly grown out of the "entertain me at all times/whine whine whine" stage. The other two are firmly entrenched, and I am just praying for some nice weather to go outside. But I read this yesterday and laughed and laughed and today was better. http://crappypictures.com/parenting-i-quit./
ReplyDeleteloved that!
DeleteOh Natalie, please read this:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/the_kids/2013/02/why_does_my_kid_freak_out_the_science_behind_toddler_tantrums.html
<3
TFS! I'm having a tough time as a first time parent to a toddler and this was very helpful =)
DeleteThat's actually a very funny thing to say -Hanna
ReplyDeletePeriods suck. Infertility sucks. Storms that trap you in the house suck. Yeah, I have my days, a lot of them.
ReplyDeleteHopefully spring shows itself soon! Hang in there mama! Love your attitude
ReplyDeleteThat sounds familiar. It's good to know other Mama's have those days too!
ReplyDeleteHolbs the husband is a champ!
ReplyDeleteSome days, beautiful and frustrating are very close cousins. Your perspective is refreshing, as always.
ReplyDeleteYup I remember these kind of days with my boy too. Sometimes I feel like I need to be alone and not playing with him every single time. But again... I'll feel guilty and continue playing with him, been though I'm tired and just need to be alone. Motherhood is not easy, but it's the most fulfilling "job" ever. :))
ReplyDeleteEven though*
ReplyDeleteNatalie, I just recently came across your blog and have really enjoyed reading and following along. I appreciated this post very much! Thank you for your sincerity and honesty. I am definitely tucking away these nuggets of motherhood truths and experiences for whenever I become a mother. Thank you for sharing this!
ReplyDeletei can totally relate. my little one is not quite so old but i can be so hard on myself if i am being anything other than supermum. we need to learn to give ourselves credit for how cool we really are as mums and shrug it off when we have a less than perfect day.
ReplyDelete:)
i think we all feel like that no matter our job (mom, tax attorney, etc.) where we don't feel good enough and we can't figure it out. but i'm glad you're accepting it more (accepting our faults helps, rather than always trying to fight them), and brandon does sound like an awesome partner. i'm glad you got to paint your nails and watch the vampire diaries. and hope today is a better one (even though with this weather you may be cooped up again).
ReplyDeletesuch a beautifully honest post -- you're doing a great job momma! xo
ReplyDeletehttp://allthingsprettyandlittle.blogspot.com/
I don't have kids just yet, but I can totally related to these kinda days (I think we all can!)Sometimes we just have to take a step back, relax and realize just how lucky and grateful we should be for all the many blessings that we have in our lives.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work! You are doing great ;)
Oh my goodness, I love this post. Everybody has those days. Watching my mother home-school all 4 of her difficult children (me included, ha!), she had quite a few of those days. Hang in there! :)
ReplyDelete-Sydney
http://everydayloves11.blogspot.com/
I feel like you came into my brain and took all my thoughts exactly, but then wrote about and expressed them more eloquently than I could have. I am desperately waiting for spring and warmth and sunshine to come. As you said, it really is hard to have toddlers cooped up inside. And also agreed on the fact that really I'm more frustrated with myself than anything else. It is so nice to have my little one want to be with me even when I feel like a failure :). Thanks for your honesty. It helps knowing others deal with the same struggles. Love your pictures, as always.
ReplyDeleteOops, I didn't realize my husband (jaron) was signed in. Thanks again for this post :)
ReplyDeleteNat! I must have that sweater!!!:) do tell??
ReplyDeleteLove this post! I think we all have days where we don't feel like we are at "our mama's best".. I love your honesty! I am a new reader and your post about bidding farewell to nursing has been permanently bookmarked in my favourites, as a future read when that day comes for me down the road :)! Thank you.
ReplyDeleteLove this! I had one of those days yesterday too, and I'm not even a mom.
ReplyDeleteYesterday, for me, was one of those days where everything that I'm not completely happy with is magnified. And then i think about every mistake i've made. and then even the good things will probably fade away too.
Horrible, I tell you! I'm much better today though, phew!
soooooo cute
ReplyDeleteThank you for being so honest! I get so tired of those blogs giving false impressions that every day is perfect and full of adventure. Some days aren't perfect and it happens to the best of us. And hooray for dads who work so hard for us and come home and take over when we need it most! Hope today was better :)...have a great weekend!
ReplyDeleteI always feel bad when I am babysitting my boyfriends nephew who is three. I get so tired running and playing the same game for over an hour, but I love him so much. I haven't gotten to experience this yet as a mother though.
ReplyDeleteLeah
www.e-plus-l.blogspot.com
I think it's really great that you spend so much time with Huck! I honestly don't think I would have the patience to stay with my (future) kids all day, as horrible as that may sound, so I applaud you! Do you crave alone time sometime? For me, I know that I need to take a few minutes to myself and recollect myself on those lousy days so that I don't start acting like a 2 year old myself haha love that you escaped to Huck's teepee!!!
ReplyDeletexoxox
<3 Yeasol from theferrytale
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSorry I didn't realize I was originally signed in under hub's name ^ Ben Beale...
ReplyDeleteAnyways, I know those feelings (the am I doing a good enough job) when it comes to wife-hood, so I can't even imagine adding the stresses of the mommy role too. But chin up, everyone has those bad days and at least you are able to be open and honest about them which is admirable. Little H is adorable and you have a wonderful husband and that's all that really matters right? Oh and the teepee sounds like a great place to escape to! -jb.
http://madewithlovebyjackieb.blogspot.co.uk/
Yup, nothing more precious than the little hand beckoning and the word "come"! and if you don't, it's a deep look in the eyes, a little hand in hand and "come daddy, come!"
ReplyDeleteBeing the working daddy in my household, I know I miss a lot but it's Saturday morning and I can make my little Speculoos breakfast and be with my little family! You have a good man, both big and small.
Enjoy!
Oh...and Twilight? Seriously?
ugh, this week seems to be yucky for everyone. i've been stuck at home with the worst cold and my wisdom teeth are trying to come in! i feel awful. i might just try vampire diaries. but if it is like twilight, it's not going to work out. hahaa ;)
ReplyDeleteYou are so adorable! I loved this post! Thank you for being so real and sharing it with us!
ReplyDeleteI often feel the same way, even though I don't have a toddler at home.
My youngest (of 4) is 19 and high functioning autistic but also has schizoaffective disorder. He may have to always live with us. I often have to catch myself and try to stop "the grumps". It can be so difficult to keep him busy and think of something else to try. He asks me almost every single night to "tuck him in" and sit with him until he falls asleep (he hears voices most every single day, it's frightening and difficult for him to fall asleep) and it humbles me when he thinks to thank me.
I too, am so grateful for a great husband that can help me after he's had a long day at the office and often comes to our rescue (and has for many, many years).
I so love your blog!
I swear I saw your twin this morning at Levain. I was going to ask but didn't want to freak out a random stranger, and in hindsight, I realized I probably freaked them out anyway by staring them down for a minute. In any case... honest, spunky, and hilarious - I love getting to read new posts from you.
ReplyDeleteYour faithful blog reader,
Esther
Maybe these lousy days makes the good days better? In any case, loving your words as always....
ReplyDeleteI can so relate to this! I have two boys (ages 6 and 3). My three year old and I still have days like the one you described. My husband much like yours is always ready to pitch in after a long day of work.
ReplyDeleteHuck is so cute! Where are the pants he's wearing from? I need to get my little man a pair!
One day (in my dreams) I plan to be as cool as you!!
ReplyDeleteI love the honesty in this post Natalie. Just yesterday at a blogger brunch we were talking about how many bloggers don't seem to portray their real selves and I told the group about this post of yours and how much I appreciated the honesty. I did a post on bloggers and honesty and the responses have been so interesting. Thanks for keeping it real here Natalie xoxox
ReplyDeleteThis was really uplifting! Thanks for sharing your feelings. Sometimes I don't have the wherewithal to entertain my babe as delightfully as I would dream of doing for every waking minute either. But all in all, I'm sure we're both going the distance for our sweet little ones, and their nurturing from mama needs are indeed met. And your words about your husband made me want to hug and thank mine when he gets home. They deserve to be appreciated like that!
ReplyDeleteOh geeze, I feel the same! (about my two-year-old, not the Vampire Diaries)
ReplyDeleteI think you are above and beyond the Kool-Aid mom!!
ReplyDelete