You know how when you get back from being out of town and only your husband has been home so all of the food is gone except for two partially-filled expired gallons of milk, and you have a Young Womens movie night that night and also you are out of bronzer? So that is why I went to Wal-Mart.
And when I got to Wal-Mart I found it by accident. A zillion hangers of Twilight t-shirts. A giant display of all the books. A shelf full of Twilight games. (Yes, a game!) And one giant TV playing, you guessed it, Twilight. The movie. The whole thing. All of it.
After standing there stupidly for twenty minutes watching Edward glitter in the meadow with my cart filled with candy and bronzer and also an eyebrow grooming kit because my eyebrows are the bane of my existence and I can't seem to get them right, I made some important decisions: There is no way to stand in the middle of an aisle in Wal-Mart watching a movie slyly, this movie gets stupider every time I see it, and I am totally going to be there at midnight on Saturday to buy it.
And so Shannon and I, armed with our Team Edward and Team Jacob shirts, and possibly also mace, we will be there Friday night at 11 p.m., battling hordes of 13-year-old girls for our very own copies. We will buy Twilight with the extra footage and we will take it home and watch it, all of it, and then we will die a thousand deaths from embarrassment. Because I have seen some of this "deleted footage," and let me tell you, it was deleted for a reason. Yikes. If you thought the movie was bad, imagine what wasn't good enough for that mess... you're starting to imagine it now, but save your brain cells and just watch it here. The Pattinson, he sure can look good, but that might be about it.
What about you: Are you suspending mature thought processes and buying this hot mess of a movie this weekend?
And when I got to Wal-Mart I found it by accident. A zillion hangers of Twilight t-shirts. A giant display of all the books. A shelf full of Twilight games. (Yes, a game!) And one giant TV playing, you guessed it, Twilight. The movie. The whole thing. All of it.
After standing there stupidly for twenty minutes watching Edward glitter in the meadow with my cart filled with candy and bronzer and also an eyebrow grooming kit because my eyebrows are the bane of my existence and I can't seem to get them right, I made some important decisions: There is no way to stand in the middle of an aisle in Wal-Mart watching a movie slyly, this movie gets stupider every time I see it, and I am totally going to be there at midnight on Saturday to buy it.
And so Shannon and I, armed with our Team Edward and Team Jacob shirts, and possibly also mace, we will be there Friday night at 11 p.m., battling hordes of 13-year-old girls for our very own copies. We will buy Twilight with the extra footage and we will take it home and watch it, all of it, and then we will die a thousand deaths from embarrassment. Because I have seen some of this "deleted footage," and let me tell you, it was deleted for a reason. Yikes. If you thought the movie was bad, imagine what wasn't good enough for that mess... you're starting to imagine it now, but save your brain cells and just watch it here. The Pattinson, he sure can look good, but that might be about it.
What about you: Are you suspending mature thought processes and buying this hot mess of a movie this weekend?
4 comments:
A game?! You totally didn't tell me that!! And I wish I would have been there because we could have sat on the floor, right there, and watched it together. And OHMYGOSH!!! Special Features!!! I am so excited for our date tomorrow!
heck yeah!
except we don't have a 24 hour wal-mart!
but you know... target has a special 3 disc version!
i will be there at 8am on Sat morning to get it.
that is the best i will be able to do!!!
I plan to make it more tolerable by Rocky Horror-izing it. Like hissing everytime Rosalie enters the scene or something.
I shall be celebrating Saturday night with a bunch of girlfriends (can't figure out why the hubby didn't want to come!) and I am making the Twilight cupcakes. Red Velvet. Vanilla icing with 2 fang punctures in them. Of course you are invited. 7pm. San Diego.
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